Alarmed and Dangerous (Dangerously Lazy)

Aaargh. I hate the fact that I'm inconsistent. It translates into me being unreliable, and I hate to think that I cause my friends and family pause before they ask me to contribute to something.

Take, for instance, this blog. Though I post more regularly to it than any of my friends (listed on the right) do to their blogs, I am - by FAR - the least reliable person in real life than any of them. And, "more regular" or not, I still cannot seem to post everyday for more than a few days.

This is the same issue I have with my far-less-than-daily devotions. I walk with G-d everyday - I just end up walking with blinders on and ear plugs in most days. I deliberately choose the snooze button over pouring into prayer and study. Why? WHY?!!!!!

I use the snooze button everywhere. I wait until the last possible moment to take action, then work feverishly to accomplish something. Procrastination should be my middle name, not Faith.

The problem is either over-committing or not committing at all. Good Lord, I suppose I can be thankful I'm not married. I'd make a horrible wife.

25 Things I Love

Just to mix things up a bit, here's a list of 25 things I love. Oh, and I should also note these are in no particular order. Simply as they come to mind.

1. Jiffy, my bunny. I love his little nudges, feeling his whiskers on the back of my legs, watching him was his face. Too cute!

2. Scrapbook paper. I don't scrapbook, but I use the paper for other crafts. I love the colors and textures and patterns.

3. The smell of books, especially a whole room of them.

4. Getting postcards from friends - bonus when they come in the mail. (Thanks, Tricia & Adam!)

5. Bats swooping low in the summer sky at dusk.

6. My little sister's dimple.

7. A new notebook/journal book, though I never can seem to fill them up!

8. Phyllis McGinley's poetry.

9. Making other people laugh, even if they're groaning at the same time because it really was a corny pun.

10. Finishing a project and knowing I kicked butt on it.

11. Coming up with new ideas for projects.

12. Maps.

13. Home decor magazines that focus on using antiques/used items in a new way. (Still waiting for the next issue of Junk Market Style.)

14. Learning a new computer shortcut that's going to save me a lot of time.

15. Being comfortably quiet with friends. (Yes, I can be quiet for loooong stretches of time.)

16. Finding out something new about my family "heritage".

17. Antiquing, especially when done with a friend or family member.

18. Whimsical things.

19. Traveling.

20. Knowing I will always be friends with certain people. You know who you are.

21. Sharing something I just learned with someone else.

22. Frozen custard.

23. Getting addicted to a new song/album.

24. Finding or making the perfect gift.

25. Knowing something I said/did/wrote/whatever helped someone else.

What Is My Story?

Reaching into the old journal again...

4.8.2007

I've spent more time in my blog lately, or posting to myspace, or emails - that's where most of my writing is going. But I'm thrilled that I'm writing. A lot more. I'm starting to let go of the fear that what I have to say is meaningless, or - worse yet - that I'll pick up a pen and have nothing to write and I'll discover I'm empty.

I feel like I'm on the edge of something. I continually see lines converging together, and their central point is me. That I will soon be at a major crossroads. Or like it's the moment before the coin stops spinning in mid-air, the second before a hand snatches it and slaps it onto the back of the other hand. And no matter if it's heads or tails, there is an important decision about to be revealed.

Right now, I have a lot of dreams but no vision. I listened to a recorded speech online last night, given by Donald Miller, and it was something I very much needed to hear. He talked about story, its elements, how the Bible is one story after another, and how God uses it to relate to us. He also talked about our stories and how they're only interesting when we're doing something.

I need to figure out how to pursue these dreams, how to gain vision. So I can start doing something, so my story becomes worthwhile.