Freedom (or, The Day I Almost Bought a New Car)

nce upon a time, I thought growing up meant freedom. Adults could drive, they could buy things, they had the power to veto your happiness. They didn’t have to ask permission to do what they wanted to do. They could make their own decisions. And unless they were bad people who did illegal things, they didn’t get punished by anyone for their decisions.

But all this was, of course, before I became an adult. I could look back with nostalgia on my childhood and see that that was truly my time of freedom, but that idea would be wrong, too. There are trade-offs to every stage, and what looks like freedom at one will look like bondage at another. And vice versa.

The reason I bring this up is that I moved forward (I think) on the road to maturity today. I had the freedom to decide to buy something I wanted very much last night, something I could afford. But during the night, my heart changed. I prayed for wisdom in making the right decision. I reexamined my priorities. I thought about what I wanted for the long-term. And everything pointed to letting go to what I wanted for now.

I could be disappointed in having to wait and also sacrificing the opportunity to get exactly what I want. Yet all I feel is peace and gratitude. My prayers are being answered.

There are consequences for our actions, good and bad. Bad choices may not throw us in jail or even make us bad people, but they build upon each other. They become habits, then they become traps - even addictions. The saving grace, though, for anyone, is that every moment brings a new decision, a new chance to change the flow of your life, even if it means damming it up in places to give it direction. That’s what I did this morning.

I don’t know how much it will change me – how far-reaching the consequences of this decision will be. I know what I want to happen, and a lot of that hinges on continuing to make good decisions, many of which will be more sacrifices. But today, I took my second step towards maturity. My first step was prayer for change, and the third step will be prayer for my next decision, whatever it is – sacrifice or not.

Today, though – today, I rejoice in an adult perspective… and to saying no to myself.