Alive Again

Do you remember this post from 2007, where I said I was ready to fall in love with Jesus again? Or this post a few months back, where I mentioned I was still waiting for it to happen?

Well, this morning marked the 7th day in a row I've had devotions (prayer and reading the bible) before the start of my day.

That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I want to finish this post with exclamation points. Because this is what I've been praying for... just this day-by-day beautiful, thankful, awe-filled, simple time with G-d.

I keep wanting to analyze how it happened, what made last Sunday morning so different that I simply slid out of bed to my knees and talked with G-d, and followed it up with a few of the beginning chapters of Matthew. I want to break down my experience, looking for the right way I must have prayed or something that triggered the change.

But part of me realizes there's no point to that. That this is something that - for right now - is a wonderful gift from G-d, each day and its moments, and I need to grab ahold of what's in front of me, and cling to the fact that I'm here with him right now. To build a foundation that will not crumble ever again. I don't ever want to miss G-d again like I have for nearly three years.

I'm so excited about what this means, about what Amanda honoring G-d and becoming herself in the image of Christ looks like. I wonder if people will be able to see the difference, if the lightness and freedom I've felt the past few days will show in my face and be heard in my voice.

The heavy burden of worrying about my weight, money, what others think of me, if I'll ever be good enough for this or that, etc.... it's gone. Gone in the sense of carrying it around everywhere. Oh, I still have my moments, but right now the joy of what's going on with me and G-d is overwhelming. I am living Christ's invitation of coming to him with my weariness and worriness and finding rest. I am meditating throughout the day and finding my mind and my heart are being guarded, that the self-discipline needed to banish those negative thoughts is immediately there.

I still have a lot of sin in my life - gluttony, judgement, self-gratification and glory-seeking, amongst others - and I still see obstacles, but I also feel released from condemnation. These things are part of my life (for now), but I know G-d has his priorities for what he wants done in me, for me, through me. The freedom of realizing I'm here to live each moment - nothing more, nothing less - is so incredible.

If you have been praying for me, thank you. Thank you so much. Please continue. It is bearing fruit, and soon I will be, too. But don't forget to also praise G-d. He is so worthy.

My love to all!